The Most Politically Correct Toy Ever

The Most Politically Correct Toy Ever!

If you’ve been following my blog, you already know that I almost purchased a Barack Obama chia pet. So I would like to redeem myself by featuring the most politically correct toy ever manufactured by Medline products. If these pictures look a little fuzzy to you, just click on them and you can check them out more clearly.

Forget G.I. Joe. Forget Nick Fury. Forget all those other macho, testosterone-riddled, violence-prone army sergeants we idolized as kids. Meet Scip – the “Combat Nurse.” According to the box, Scip is tough enough to endure the “chaotic offloading of wounded comrades and back-to-back lifesaving surgeries.” He is also rugged enough to have his “stamina challenged every day with long hours and tense shifts.”

If you’re confused, don’t worry. The back of the box explains how you’re supposed to fit Scip’s character into your pre-existing paradigm. Scip works in the center of the war zone, “prepping the patient and operating room for a diverse range of surgeries… he works seamlessly with his team of surgeons, anesthesiologists, and infection preventionists to keep the wounded alive and improve surgical care.”






The side of the box, not pictured, shows the other action figures within the Medline Collection. Of course the surgeon, anesthesiologist, and other prestigious medical professionals are all appropriately female, and some are even African-American as well. Please check your prejudices and gender stereotypes at the door…

Will this series of politically correct, non-violent action figures save the troubled Medline Corporation? The company executives are currently facing criminal charges for intentionally defrauding the government by falsifying Medicare claims. The most recent estimate is that the company has swindled taxpayers out of $140 million dollars… but if these toys are big sellers they may be able to reimburse the government, pay a massive fine, and keep out of jail.

So what’s the verdict? Is Scip powerful enough to knock down gender barriers before they have a chance to form within impressionable children? Is Scip heroic enough to save our children from society’s sustained attempts at socialization and inculcation? I don't know... but I could do without the "crocs" and the lipstick.

For me, the issue was settled definitively when a politically correct friend of mine bought her two boys a large play kitchen. It was really cool… it had a large stove, refrigerator, microwave, everything. Her daughter was given a mechanical robot. That too, was cool. You could take it apart with tools, change internal gear ratios, program it to perform tasks, everything. She was determined that her children, at least, would grow up free of gender stereotypes.

So what happened? By the time she got home from work, the boys had carried the play kitchen into the woods. They had thrown a camouflage blanket over the top, and were using it as an army fort to play “war.” The little girl promptly named the robot “Machine Baby.” She wrapped it in a blanket and was rocking it in a crib. Given our strong genetic proclivities, I have to wonder if Scip will succeed in making nursing a macho occupation. Hope springs eternal…

Jackhammer

The Obama Chia Pet

To Chia or Not to Chia... that is the question.

I have always been a big fan of Chia pets – the pottery that grows! This is a picture of my first Chia pet. I’ve had it for over ten years, and have planted and re-planted it many times. I think it’s supposed to be either a dog or a cow.














As you will readily notice, my Chia is bald. That is because I have an amazing talent for offending people. Let me tell what I did this time that was so horrible.

When I first started working as an administrative intern, I “seeded” my Chia pet and had it growing on the windowsill of my office. My supervising administrator promptly declared the Chia an aberration, and insisted that I get rid of it. When I refused, she went into my office when I wasn’t there and poured it full of bleach. The clay readily absorbed this toxic substance and it hasn’t been able to grow anything since (despite repeated soakings in clean water). To this day I have never understood why she couldn’t endure the sight of it.

So imagine my delight when I saw that a new, interesting kind of Chia was now available! You can purchase the Barack Obama Chia, and you even get to choose between the “Happy Obama” and the “Determined Obama.” I decided that it was time to upgrade to a brand-new Obama Chia and start growing herbs again.

But the plot thickens. I quickly learned that Walgreen’s had pulled this product from their shelves because the Obama Chia pets might be considered “racist” items. Later, one of my co-workers chastised me when she noticed me eyeballing the Obama Chia pets on amazon.com.

This got me thinking. I readily dismissed the “racist” aspect of the issue because trying to make a racist statement was the furthest thing from my mind. Obama has never attempted to exploit racial issues, and from what I’ve seen, Obama hasn’t let his minority status prevent him from doing anything he wanted to do. But there seemed to be an underlying issue here… the issue of respect for the office of the president.

Is it disrespectful to purchase and display a presidential Chia? I applied a litmus test to that question using my favorite president, Ronald Regan. How would I feel if I walked into a co-worker’s office and saw him growing herbs on top of Ronald Regan’s head? I realized that I would be very angry indeed. I concluded that presidential Chias must be inherently disrespectful, and that the Obama Chia was therefore in bad taste. No sale.

But in our complex society, there is never just one issue… satellite issues must also be examined and dealt with. In this case, what about the other products that were designed to ridicule and embarrass public figures? Sitting presidents? Ex-presidents? The Secretary of State? Take it a step further. Is it inappropriate to dress up like Obama for Halloween? Like Nixon? Like Clinton? Where do you draw the line?















Would you be willing to whip out the Bill Clinton Corkscrew or the Hillary Nutcracker at your next party? Would anyone be offended? Maybe… maybe not. I voted for Bill Clinton (twice), yet I wouldn’t be offended by the Bill Clinton Corkscrew because he was kinda asking for that one.

Lest we think that tasteless presidential items are a republican creation, check out the George W. Bush toilet brush. No? How about the matching George W. Bush toilet paper holder bearing the inscription “Use this to clean up the mess I made.”

As always, you’re free to draw your own conclusions on this issue. I also understand that, as a public figure, you have no protection from this sort of thing. Sure, someone might purchase an Obama Chia, or an Obama action figure, or an Obama thong (no kidding), or other item because they are big fans of the 44th president. No insult may be intended, but my experience has been that people try pretty darn hard to take things the wrong way. So let the buyer beware!

As for me and my house, we will not abide the Obama Chia, nor anything else that rudely and tastelessly disrespects the President of the United States. Any president. Regardless of whom you voted for in the past election, Obama won the election fair and square… and that fact is undisputed. So I feel it is our duty as Americans to get behind the dude and give his ideas a chance to work. Hopefully they will. Anything less is a slap in the face to the democratic principles we so vigorously advocate… principles good men have given their lives to defend.

As for the other items, I suggest the following test. Imagine that the item was manufactured using the likeness of your favorite president. Would you be offended if you saw someone displaying it? If so, you might want to re-think that purchase.

Jackhammer