The Sheepdog Concept

“We know that the sheep live in denial; that is what makes them sheep.  They do not want to believe that there is evil in the world. They can accept the fact that fires can happen, which is why they want fire extinguishers, fire sprinklers, fire alarms and fire exits throughout their kids’ schools.  But many of them are outraged at the idea of putting an armed police officer in their kid’s school.  Our children are dozens of times more likely to be killed, and thousands of times more likely to be seriously injured, by school violence than by school fires, but the sheep’s only response to the possibility of violence is denial.  The idea of someone coming to kill or harm their children is just too hard, so they choose the path of denial.

The sheep generally do not like the sheepdog.  He looks a lot like the wolf.  He has fangs and the capacity for violence. The difference, though, is that the sheepdog must not, cannot and will not ever harm the sheep. Any sheepdog who intentionally harms the lowliest little lamb will be punished and removed.  The world cannot work any other way, at least not in a representative democracy or a republic such as ours.

Still, the sheepdog disturbs the sheep.  He is a constant reminder that there are wolves in the land. They would prefer that he didn’t tell them where to go, or give them traffic tickets, or stand at the ready in our airports in camouflage fatigues holding an M-16.  The sheep would much rather have the sheepdog cash in his fangs, spray paint himself white, and go, “Baa.”

Until the wolf shows up. Then the entire flock tries desperately to hide behind one lonely sheepdog.”

– Lt. Col. Grossman

Southern Man

 

Southern man, better keep your head
Don't forget what your good book said
Southern change gonna come at last
Now your crosses are burning fast…

From Neil Young’s “Southern Man”

Friends, it is with great shame that Jackhammer must admit that he was born a Yankee.  Yes, I was born on the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, which most people – even the trolls who live in lower Michigan – do not consider part of the United States.  Nevertheless, it is what it is… Jackhammer had no control over where he was born, but he does have control over where he lives now.  As Shakespeare once wrote, “the world is broad and wide.”  With so many options available, should Jackhammer consider relocating to the Great Lakes area?

The possibility of Jackhammer moving north was definitively nixed during my trip to Chicago last summer.  I spent an entire week basking on the shores of Lake Michigan… rediscovering the vicinity… becoming reacquainted with Northern culture.  It was during this week of profound inner reflection that Jackhammer finally realized that Thomas Wolfe was right… you can’t go home again.

Chicago sucks.  Why, you may ask?  What bothered me?  Simply put, it was only the big things and the little things.  The traffic was horrific.  The roads were apocalyptic.  The people were rude, and they wouldn’t look you in the eye.  Crime against law-abiding citizens was rampant, as vicious armed criminals were emboldened by the strictest gun laws in the United States.  The weather in Chicago was cold, foggy, windy, and rainy, even in June.  When Jackhammer finally headed south, the lake's shoreline was being pounded with 12 foot waves. 

Jackhammer quickly grew weary of aggressive bums panhandling in the streets… as well as their nasty attitudes when I refused to hand over my hard-earned money.  These democrats were everywhere, which made walking to my destinations without getting accosted challenging.  Worst of all, the people in Chicago didn’t have any cultural understanding… they didn’t even know that a hot dog “all the way” comes with mustard, chili, and onions.  Instead, they assume you want “the works,” and then hand you some fucked up shit like this:

Jackhammer may have been born in Michigan, but during this trip I realized that I have become a true Southern Man by the grace of God.  A person from the Chicago area, like Barack Obama, can never even begin to understand the way we think… where we’re coming from as we speak from the heart.  Obama's inappropriate remarks about how bitter Southern men cling to our guns and our Christian religion couldn’t be more true.  I embrace his intended insult, and think it ironic that Obama specifically targeted the two aspects of Southern culture upon which we will never compromise.  This should have been enough to alert me to the fact that Barack Obama and I will never share any common ground; clearly, we come from different worlds. 

 

Living in the South is more than smoky racetracks, pulled pork barbeque, apple moonshine, the Appalachian mountains, and grits with red-eye gravy.  It is more than gorgeous girls with tantalizing accents dancing to country music in skimpy halter tops, cowgirl boots, and Daisy Dukes.  Being "Southern" transcends our landscape, and even our cultural heritage… being Southern is a state of mind.  This is a place where the U.S. Constitution still means something… and to us, the individual freedoms guaranteed by that foundational document remain self-evident.  The Southeast is a place where men like me kneel together before the cross and worship without shame… we acknowledge Jesus Christ for who He is.  We teach our children right from wrong… we embrace personal responsibility, and hold ourselves accountable for our own successes and failures.  We do not embrace the "victim mentality" of socialism... we reject government intrusion into our lives... and we would rather die than change our way of life.

There may come a day when Jackhammer will point his Ford F-150 north and return to the Great Lakes region… but my heart will always remain in the Land of the Pines.  To the core of his being, Jackhammer has become a true Southern Man… and I wouldn’t have it any other way.  I thank God for being so richly blessed.  Amen. 

Blood on the Badge

Mama, take this badge off of me
I can't use it anymore.
It's gettin' dark, too dark to see
I feel I'm knockin' on heaven's door.

From Bob Dylan's "Knockin' on Heaven's Door"

Much has been written about the Thin Blue Line... the imaginary line of police protection that keeps ordinary citizens as safe as possible from the thugs, murders, rapists, and criminal elements that will always comprise a percentage of our population.  Nevertheless, Jackhammer feels compelled to weigh in on this issue.

Jackhammer has numerous friends in various branches of law enforcement... it would take me a while to count them all.  Why is this?  Jackhammer is an honorary member of the Sheriff's Department, and has been given a badge to that effect... but Jackhammer is careful not to present himself as a sworn officer.  My duties are regulated to "assistance and support," which means I carry illuminated traffic wands and a reflective safety vest under the seat of my truck.  I am not a professional Law Enforcement Officer (LEO) myself, so that cannot explain why so many of my friends wear a badge to work every day.  There must be something more to the attraction... something deeper.  Respect, perhaps?

This issue came to the forefront of my mind when an incident happened at this gas station in Lillington, a place that Jackhammer has often stopped to refuel over the past 20 years. 

Until last year, no officer from Lillington had ever lost his life in the line of duty.  Sadly, Jackhammer must now salute Deputy John Strickland, who was slain by gunfire while attempting to question a suspicious suspect at this gas station.  Now every time I refuel my truck at this location, I wonder if I am standing on the same spot where Deputy Strickland bled out and lost his life.

The thing is, I go to my cushy office job every day without fear.  The most dangerous part of my day is the commute in heavy traffic.  While often harrowing, nobody has shot at me... at least not yet.  Unlike Deputy John Strickland, I am not roaming the streets searching for Jose Trinidad Soto Sanchez, 21, and Jose Juan Alverez, 28, both from neighboring Spring Hope, to charge them with first-degree rape, first-degree kidnapping, and attempted murder.

According to the Harnett County Sherriff, these two men had abducted a 17-year-old girl from her house where she was babysitting her 3-year-old sister.  From there, she was taken to the Cape Fear River where she was sexually assaulted.  After the sexual assault had taken place, she was shot three times in the face, abdomen, and hand, and then left to die in the river. 

Jackhammer salutes all the men and women of law enforcement who risk their lives to stand on the Thin Blue Line.  Jackhammer has the utmost respect for all of you who serve and protect.  I pray that you come home safely every single night... without any blood on your badge.

A Pope Like No Other?

Friends, I'm sorry you've been hungering for my blogs for such a long time.  Jackhammer has been very busy, but will attempt to post as much as possible before the summer classes begin in three weeks.  Word. 

 

Many of you have emailed to inquire about my opinion of the new Pope, and even more of you aggressively campaigned for me to be named the new head of the Catholic Church.  I hate to break it to you guys... yes, I was born Catholic, but have never been active in the organization.  The Pope is chosen from the College of Cardinals, of which I am not a member.  I doubt the Vatican leadership even read your well-intentioned letters...

 

Nevertheless, I refrained from commentary thus far because it has taken me some time to sort out my feelings on this issue.  I was not prepared for Pope Benedict XVI to resign, confessing that he was no longer up to the task.  Plus, I was absolutely nauseated by the liberal media, who was giddy with excitement at the thought of a white Pope being replaced by any ethnic group that can claim a history of abuse and oppression.  In modern times, the highest level leadership vacancies are always filled with a minority candidate.  The liberal press went wild trumpeting their expectations for an African or Hispanic Pope; all Cardinals of white European decent were mentioned only in passing by the press - and then quickly dismissed as a longshot. 

 

Jackhammer was not surprised when Jorge Mario Bergoglio from Argentina was named the next Pope because our society no longer worships God; it worships political correctness.  Selecting a white European male for any high-level leadership position in 2013 would be an unforgivable faux pas, right?  However, Jackhammer has evolved on this issue.  It did not take long for Jorge Mario Bergoglio to win my heart.

 

Friends, this is a Pope like no other.  He will be called Pope Francis I.  Think about that for a moment.  Saint Francis was well-known for his extraordinary dedication to helping the poor... and he was also a powerful player in the Catholic church when it was fighting for its very survival.  Pope Francis certainly has his work cut out for him, and no other name could proffer a stronger declaration of his values.  Declining church membership, a global crisis of faith, the sex abuse scandals and ongoing lawsuits, public adoration for gay marriage, the sexist push to ordain women, the grassroots movement to end the celibacy requirement for priests... and, although little details are available to the public, there have also been widespread, reputable reports of rampant financial corruption reaching to the highest levels of the Vatican.  Who can blame Pope Benedict for throwing in the towel?  Who can pull the church back from the brink of destruction?  Is Pope Francis the answer?

 

The thing is, Pope Francis is proving himself to be a Pope like no other.  Francis has always lived in a modest apartment... he rides the bus to work... he attends soccer games.  Now that he has been named Pope, little has changed.  On the day he became Pope, Francis rode the bus back to his humble apartment.  He insisted on paying his own hotel bill... he even carries his own luggage.  When questioned about his shockingly modest lifestyle, Francis explained that he is setting an example for the priests... he is modeling the behavior he expects henceforth.  It didn't take me long to figure out that things are going to be different under his leadership.

 

 

Francis has already expressed disdain for the Pope Mobile... he doesn't think walls of bulletproof plexiglass should come between the Pope and the faithful masses.  Francis discouraged Catholics from traveling to Rome to witness his ordination, instead encouraging them to donate the money they would have spent for their travel expenses to the poor.  Where did this man come from?  Is it possible that we have finally found a Man of God who actually walks the walk?  A true disciple of Christ?

Jackhammer hereby endorses Pope Francis I with great enthusiasm, and he prays that, with the help of God, Pope Francis will emerge victorious after battling the myriad challenges facing the present-day Catholic church.  We are living in times like no other, and facing challenges like no other.  To ensure the survival of the Catholic church, of the Bride of Christ, we must have a Pope like no other.  Godspeed, Francis.  Godspeed.

 

Time for a Change

We all know that Jackhammer is into preventive maintenance in a big way... I think it is important to take care of your shit.  However, I have found one important aspect of automobile maintenance that had escaped my attention -- the cabin air filter.

I change the engine air filters in my vehicles every six months, regardless of their appearance... but did you know the interior ventilation system uses air filters as well?  The photo above shows how nasty the cabin air filters can get if you don't bother to change them for a few years.  As an added bonus, I was also able to remove a plastic grocery bag that had somehow managed to get sucked into the interior ventilation system.

I'm a big do-it-yourselfer.  The Honda dealer charges 1.5 hours of labor, or about $125.00, to change the cabin air filters on a CRV.  Jackhammer found a YouTube video showing how easy it is to change it yourself in about 30 minutes.  Total cost?  About $13.00. 

Do what Jackhammer did... change your cabin air filters and enjoy some fresh air!

Jackhammer is Crafty !!

Don’t get too excited – this is just a short post.

Here I must pause to address a few concerns that Jackhammer is a little bit too Butch. Trust me, being macho is unintentional… I do like to do rugged, manly things like riding motorcycles, shooting guns, brewing beer… you get the idea. But did you know that Jackhammer has a softer side? That Jackhammer also likes to make arts and crafts?

Here I share but one example. I wish I could claim that I was creative enough to think up this idea by myself, but my close friends would not be fooled anyway so I might as well come clean. I got this idea when I saw a similar item hanging in a bar in Boca Grande a few years ago. But here’s how I made it:

Whenever I guzzle bottles of beer with twist-off bottle caps, I save them. This is a fish I made out of plywood, spray paint, and some of my leftover bottle caps. I cut the fish out of plywood with my saber saw, and then used spray paint to color it silver. I wanted to give the fish “bottle cap scales,” so I got busy trying to glue a carefully-arranged design to the plywood with a hot-melt glue gun. My wife, who has a lot more experience with this sort of thing than I do, felt sorry for me and taught me about a product called “tacky glue.” This turned out to be a much better option for the project.

To my wife’s horror, as soon as the glue dried I immediately hung my fish in a prominent place of honor… it currently adorns our living room, and is the first thing you see when you walk through the door. While she is not as impressed with my artistic ability as I am, she knows how proud I am of my creation and has decided to let it hang. Truly, love conquers all.

Gentlemen, it is time to put down our golf clubs, shotguns, wrenches, and yard tools for a little while. I challenge all of you to get your butts down to your local craft store and stock up on popsicle sticks, beads, yarn, or whatever tickles your fancy… the women in the store will be glad to help you if you need inspiration. But make something today! Be crafty! Jackhammer did.

Jackhammer Brews Beer !!

Yes, it's true! Jackhammer brews beer!

This is Part 1 of a three-part series. Part 1 will discuss Brewing Day, Part 2 will discuss Bottling Day, and Part 3 will feature pictures of Jackhammer chugging the finished product with a beer bong until he has passed out on the lawn.

 Let's start with the most important thing... make sure everything is absolutely clean.  I cannot stress the importance of this if you want good tasting beer.  This photograph is an old one... Jackhammer no longer uses soap to clean his gear because the residue affects carbonation.  Who knew?  Now Jackhammer only uses Oxy-Clean to scrub the hell out of everything, followed by a good soak in a food-grade sanitizer called Star San.

 After making double-sure everything is sterilized, it is time to measure the water and start the boil.  For this recipe, Jackhammer has chosen a liquid malt extract (LME).  Boiling the LME turns the water into wort.  More recently, Jackhammer has graduated to crushing his own grains with a barley mill and making his own grain extract.  When the time is right, add the hops for flavor.  Adding hops sometimes occurs in multiple stages during the boil, and everything must be measured and timed carefully. 

 
Cooling the wort quickly is important... the goal is to reduce the temperature to 70 degrees as quickly as possible.  In this picture Jackhammer is attempting to get the job done with 20 pounds of ice and his kitchen sink.  More recently, he has been using a coiled copper wort chiller and a garden hose - with excellent results.

 
Drain the chilled wort into a santitized primary fermentation unit, otherwise known as a five gallon bucket.

Clean water is added to bring the wort to approximately five gallons. 

 
Stir carefully and check the Original Gravity (OG).  When the wort has reached the proper volume and OG, the alcohol level can be calculated.  Jackhammer aims for maximum alcohol content, just like he did when he used to make illegal hooch in his prison cell.

 
Pitch the yeast!  Yeah, baby!  Now it's time to let the yeast feed on the sugars extracted from the grains, making alcohol as a by-product.  The wort will bubble like crazy for about a week... and will be ready to bottle in about three weeks.  Stay tuned for Part 2!