Much has been made of the waterworks frequently unleashed by the man who will soon unseat Nancy Pelosi as Speaker of the House. I’ve been monitoring the liberal talk shows closely, watching them play an endless loop of video clips showing conservative males shedding tears, including Glen Beck, Rush Limbaugh, President Bush (both of them), and many others. The liberals are clearly trying to turn “The Crying Game” into a sexist issue with protests about an unwritten “double standard.” When a female politician like Hillary Clinton cries in public, they argue, it’s deemed a sign of weakness… yet when men cry their political reputations somehow remain unscathed. This has all the makings of an interesting debate, but I feel there is a more important issue here.
Why do conservative men cry so much? I guess I’m attracted to this topic because I cry a lot. I am unable to talk about highly emotional issues without choking back tears… my children… my wife… my father’s death… the unimaginable debt I owe this nation… my love for Jesus Christ. But I must ask the question: Is our crying a necessary side effect of a warm and caring heart, or a symptom of something darker and more disturbing? Manic depression, perhaps? A manifestation of paranoid psychosis? A product of fear?
I have close liberal friends, and what I enjoy most about them is their unrelenting optimism. They always seem so hopeful, so upbeat, and are so willing to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Maybe an example would help. I think most conservatives suspect that homeless people are homeless by choice… that they could clean themselves up and find a job if they wanted to badly enough. Conversely, my liberal friends assume that homeless people have been overwhelmed by circumstances beyond their control, and are living on the streets through no fault of their own.
I no longer believe that conservatives harbor the positive outlooks I see in liberals. Deep down inside, we don’t believe that everything is going to be okay. Instead, we are full of fear. Our enemies are all around us, waiting for the right moment to strike. We see hostile countries with nuclear weapons… China on the rise… terrorists plotting against us… streets full of thugs, rapists, and drug addicts. We keep our fists raised, always defensive, always ready to fight. We are so afraid of being attacked we watch TSA agents fondle our wives’ breasts at airport checkpoints. Is it any wonder that tears are just below the surface, ready to erupt at any moment?
My liberal friends go to sleep at night full of the audacity of hope, believing that tomorrow will almost certainly be better than today. There are no tears on their pillows. As for me, I will prepare for bed by checking all the exterior doors and windows to make sure they’re locked. I will make sure the floodlights are working. I will arm my home’s security system. I will open the gunsafe by my bed and verify that my rifle is locked and loaded. When I check on my kids I will see that my son is tense, even in his sleep. He is prone to melancholy moods, and has already asked me to teach him the Way of the Gun. In time, he will become the master of my deadly weapons. When I’m too old and feeble, he will patrol our parameter. He will cry freely. He will vote republican.
Finally, I pray that my precautions are sufficient to repel the barbarians lurking at my gate. I know they must be there, even if I can’t see or hear them. Sleep tight, America.
Why do conservative men cry so much? I guess I’m attracted to this topic because I cry a lot. I am unable to talk about highly emotional issues without choking back tears… my children… my wife… my father’s death… the unimaginable debt I owe this nation… my love for Jesus Christ. But I must ask the question: Is our crying a necessary side effect of a warm and caring heart, or a symptom of something darker and more disturbing? Manic depression, perhaps? A manifestation of paranoid psychosis? A product of fear?
I have close liberal friends, and what I enjoy most about them is their unrelenting optimism. They always seem so hopeful, so upbeat, and are so willing to give everyone the benefit of the doubt. Maybe an example would help. I think most conservatives suspect that homeless people are homeless by choice… that they could clean themselves up and find a job if they wanted to badly enough. Conversely, my liberal friends assume that homeless people have been overwhelmed by circumstances beyond their control, and are living on the streets through no fault of their own.
I no longer believe that conservatives harbor the positive outlooks I see in liberals. Deep down inside, we don’t believe that everything is going to be okay. Instead, we are full of fear. Our enemies are all around us, waiting for the right moment to strike. We see hostile countries with nuclear weapons… China on the rise… terrorists plotting against us… streets full of thugs, rapists, and drug addicts. We keep our fists raised, always defensive, always ready to fight. We are so afraid of being attacked we watch TSA agents fondle our wives’ breasts at airport checkpoints. Is it any wonder that tears are just below the surface, ready to erupt at any moment?
My liberal friends go to sleep at night full of the audacity of hope, believing that tomorrow will almost certainly be better than today. There are no tears on their pillows. As for me, I will prepare for bed by checking all the exterior doors and windows to make sure they’re locked. I will make sure the floodlights are working. I will arm my home’s security system. I will open the gunsafe by my bed and verify that my rifle is locked and loaded. When I check on my kids I will see that my son is tense, even in his sleep. He is prone to melancholy moods, and has already asked me to teach him the Way of the Gun. In time, he will become the master of my deadly weapons. When I’m too old and feeble, he will patrol our parameter. He will cry freely. He will vote republican.
Finally, I pray that my precautions are sufficient to repel the barbarians lurking at my gate. I know they must be there, even if I can’t see or hear them. Sleep tight, America.
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