I'm assuming that most of you reading this blog have invested a huge amount of time and effort preparing for the zombie invasion that is to come. If you've been slacking and your preparations are running behind schedule, shame on you! But again, that's not the point.
You may have turned your primary residence into the ultimate zombie-proof fortress, but is that really going to help you if the outbreak occurs while you're on vacation? When you're planning your weekend getaway, do you automatically book the first rental you can find? Such haste could cost you dearly. Jackhammer is warning all of you to consider the possibility, however remote, that a zombie plaque could explode and spread like wildfire when you're trying to chill away from home.
Consider, for example the lovely rustic cabin rented by my in-laws during our mountain excursion. Blissfully unaware of the potential zombie menace, the fools selected this cabin for its spectacular view and remote location. While the "remote location" aspect of this dwelling is indisputably positive, its inherent drawbacks are too severe to be overlooked. This is a frontal view of the house:
As you can probably tell, this is a three-story house build on the side of a very steep hill. The back of the house, pictured below, gives a better perspective. 
As you can see, things aren't all bad. The ground falls away sharply from the rear, which would greatly slow -- but not stop -- the uncoordinated shamblings of the walking dead. And yes, there is a small bi-level deck on the rear of the house. This excited me as well, since the boards could be pulled up fairly easily if we suddenly needed wood to barricade the doors and windows.
But these final photos, below, portray the extent of our vulnerability and the cause of my concern.
In short, the house was built to allow easy ground-level access to the first and second floors. Even worse, the lip of front porch roof is only about six feet off the ground -- well within the reach of an average-sized zombie. Also, if the zombies arrive in large numbers, it would be ridiculously easy for them to "ramp up" to the nearly-flat porch rooftop -- followed by an easy stroll through the panoramic third floor windows.
A house with ground-level access on all three floors is virtually indefensible against a zombie hoard! For crying out loud, what the hell were the builders thinking? If you need any further evidence that the architect had his head up his ass, just look at the glass walls of the front vestibule, the all-glass exterior doors, and the giant picture windows lighting every single room!
I spent the whole weekend biting my tongue, agonizing over whether or not I should educate my in-laws about the clear and present danger we might be facing. Neither the loaded Glock under my pillow, nor the sharpened machete in my closet, provided any comfort in the midnight hours.You are correct in thinking "well if he's writing this then obviously he survived the weekend." But just because the zombie outbreak didn't happen that particular weekend doesn't mean the possibility wasn't there. Like I said, it could happen at any time -- even when you're on vacation chillaxing with a 40. So why take foolish risks by renting an indefensible location? How did the Germans manage to bomb Pearl Harbor successfully? How did the World Trade Centers fall on 9/11? Because we were caught napping with our pants down, that's why.
So let's learn from our past mistakes and be prepared. Vigilance is never punished... only rewarded.
