Jackhammer is Crafty !!

Don’t get too excited – this is just a short post.

Here I must pause to address a few concerns that Jackhammer is a little bit too Butch. Trust me, being macho is unintentional… I do like to do rugged, manly things like riding motorcycles, shooting guns, brewing beer… you get the idea. But did you know that Jackhammer has a softer side? That Jackhammer also likes to make arts and crafts?

Here I share but one example. I wish I could claim that I was creative enough to think up this idea by myself, but my close friends would not be fooled anyway so I might as well come clean. I got this idea when I saw a similar item hanging in a bar in Boca Grande a few years ago. But here’s how I made it:

Whenever I guzzle bottles of beer with twist-off bottle caps, I save them. This is a fish I made out of plywood, spray paint, and some of my leftover bottle caps. I cut the fish out of plywood with my saber saw, and then used spray paint to color it silver. I wanted to give the fish “bottle cap scales,” so I got busy trying to glue a carefully-arranged design to the plywood with a hot-melt glue gun. My wife, who has a lot more experience with this sort of thing than I do, felt sorry for me and taught me about a product called “tacky glue.” This turned out to be a much better option for the project.

To my wife’s horror, as soon as the glue dried I immediately hung my fish in a prominent place of honor… it currently adorns our living room, and is the first thing you see when you walk through the door. While she is not as impressed with my artistic ability as I am, she knows how proud I am of my creation and has decided to let it hang. Truly, love conquers all.

Gentlemen, it is time to put down our golf clubs, shotguns, wrenches, and yard tools for a little while. I challenge all of you to get your butts down to your local craft store and stock up on popsicle sticks, beads, yarn, or whatever tickles your fancy… the women in the store will be glad to help you if you need inspiration. But make something today! Be crafty! Jackhammer did.

Jackhammer Brews Beer !!

Yes, it's true! Jackhammer brews beer!

This is Part 1 of a three-part series. Part 1 will discuss Brewing Day, Part 2 will discuss Bottling Day, and Part 3 will feature pictures of Jackhammer chugging the finished product with a beer bong until he has passed out on the lawn.

 Let's start with the most important thing... make sure everything is absolutely clean.  I cannot stress the importance of this if you want good tasting beer.  This photograph is an old one... Jackhammer no longer uses soap to clean his gear because the residue affects carbonation.  Who knew?  Now Jackhammer only uses Oxy-Clean to scrub the hell out of everything, followed by a good soak in a food-grade sanitizer called Star San.

 After making double-sure everything is sterilized, it is time to measure the water and start the boil.  For this recipe, Jackhammer has chosen a liquid malt extract (LME).  Boiling the LME turns the water into wort.  More recently, Jackhammer has graduated to crushing his own grains with a barley mill and making his own grain extract.  When the time is right, add the hops for flavor.  Adding hops sometimes occurs in multiple stages during the boil, and everything must be measured and timed carefully. 

 
Cooling the wort quickly is important... the goal is to reduce the temperature to 70 degrees as quickly as possible.  In this picture Jackhammer is attempting to get the job done with 20 pounds of ice and his kitchen sink.  More recently, he has been using a coiled copper wort chiller and a garden hose - with excellent results.

 
Drain the chilled wort into a santitized primary fermentation unit, otherwise known as a five gallon bucket.

Clean water is added to bring the wort to approximately five gallons. 

 
Stir carefully and check the Original Gravity (OG).  When the wort has reached the proper volume and OG, the alcohol level can be calculated.  Jackhammer aims for maximum alcohol content, just like he did when he used to make illegal hooch in his prison cell.

 
Pitch the yeast!  Yeah, baby!  Now it's time to let the yeast feed on the sugars extracted from the grains, making alcohol as a by-product.  The wort will bubble like crazy for about a week... and will be ready to bottle in about three weeks.  Stay tuned for Part 2!