Wednesday, July 10, 2013

Booty Call

Friends, this post is long overdue!
Jackhammer must thank his good friends in the Fredericksburg area for their gracious hospitality over the Memorial Day weekend. 
As most of you already know, Jackhammer and some of his North Carolina buddies routinely participate in the annual Rolling Thunder Memorial Day Ride in Washington, D.C. to honor our military veterans.  As usual, Jackhammer & Co. were camping in the Prince William National Forest as they awaited the parade.  However, this year would turn out to be extra special.
Jackhammer led his entourage 30 minutes into Fredericksburg to be treated to a barbeque feast, hosted by (callsigns) Turd, Uncle Ben, and Tommygun.  Even though two of these dudes are DC cops working the night shift, they still arose at 6:00 AM to fire up the smoker and get the meat cooking.  We had barbeque brisket, chicken, and sausage with all the trimmings!  It was fucking awesome!
Best of all, the cookout gave the weary campers a chance to rest and regroup.  These guys lent me shorts so I could take off my hot protective motorcycle gear and relax in a lawn chair... they charged my iPhone... they refilled our whiskey flasks... they provided us with all the cold beer we could drink... we emptied our bladders into their front lawns... we couldn't possibly have been treated any better.  It was an impressive display of Southern hospitality, and we will surely return in future years.
The final event turned out to be a motorcycle race down backcountry roads, where Jackhammer was hard-pressed to keep up with Uncle Ben's BMW.  It was during this high-speed pursuit that one of my improperly-latched saddlebags released at about 85 MPH... and that fucker was a bitch to find in the thick foliage and encroaching darkness.  Nevertheless, the entire team pitched in... Uncle Ben called his supervisor to report that he would be coming into work... later... and we collectively scoured the route until we finally found it.
All things considered, it was the Best of Times.  Jackhammer is looking forward to returning the favor by hosting a party at the lake in the near future.  That adventure will be one for the history books...
Gentlemen, thank you again for everything!

Buck Ofama!

 
Friends, Jackhammer crunches numbers for a living... part of my job is being a Statistical Analysis System (SAS) programmer.  I have done my homework before writing this blog, and after careful analysis, it turns out that my opinions are correct 99.7% of the time.  The bad news is that, by extension, I am wrong 0.3% of the time.  This was the case with my September 30 (2012) post endorsing Barack Hussein Obama.  By the way, has it ever been an insult to any previous president to call him by his full name? 
My shame is greater than you can possibly imagine, for there is no doubt in my mind that my blog delivered North Carolina's 15 electoral votes to this communist motherfucker.  Yes, Obama would have won the election anyway... Obama secured approximately 100% of the black vote, 100% of the Mexican vote, 100% of the gay vote, 100% of the atheist vote, 100% of the liberal vote, as well as anyone else who blames The System for their lack of success in life.  Yet, living with the knowledge that I delivered my home state to this ignorant fool is almost more than I can bear.
I was sorely tempted to delete my previous blog post, but because I am a conservative, I cannot shirk my personal responsibility.  I refuse to blame others for what I did... to assert that I was unduly influenced by my liberal friends... to claim that I was somehow a victim in all of this.  Regardless of the reasons, I did what I did.  I screwed up in the worst of ways, and I must own up to my own mistake.
In case you haven't watched the news in the past seven months, Obama isn't living up to any of his promises.  Now that his re-election worries are over, his second-term agenda is devoted to making every liberal dream come true... at least the vestiges of the liberal dream that weren't already financed by the democratic spending orgy the democrats foisted upon us as "economic stimulus." 
The damage done thus far will probably be enough to turn America into a sickly shadow of its former self.  According to the Washington Post, approximately 47% of Americans now receive some form of government assistance to make ends meet.  According to the International Monetary Fund (IMF), American's national debt will exceed $16.8 trillion dollars by the end of this fiscal year.  Trust me, the human mind cannot conceptualize a number that large.  To help put it in perspective, every man, woman and child in our nation currently owes about $53,400... and our debt is growing at a nauseating $3.78 billion dollars per day.  Per person, an American citizen owes between 35% and 40% more than the citizens of Greece, Italy, or Spain.  Go ahead, liberals... pass all the socialist welfare programs you want so you can feel good about yourselves.  Free food, free housing, and free healthcare for everybody!  The fact that someone (me) has to pay for all the services you want the government to provide is the real inconvenient truth.
 
Keep the faith, liberals.  The percentage of Americans who identify as Christian continues to decline at an accelerated rate.  The fabric of our society is so rent and torn that it is beyond repair.  According to the mainstream media, the vast majority of America universally and wholeheartedly support gay marriage, women serving in military combat positions, amnesty for illegal immigrants, over-the-counter sales of abortion pills (regardless of age or parental consent), gays in the Boy Scouts of America, and gays serving openly in the military.  If you support that last one, check out this video of a gay marine publically kissing his boyfriend... you might change your mind.
 
Sadly, things are only going to get much, much worse.  Obamacare is about to hit the fan, and , by any reliable estimate, the cost of quality healthcare is about to go through the stratosphere... at least for those of us who actually pay for it.  Foreign policy blunders like Benghazi, Egypt, and Syria?  The IRS initiative to harass conservative political action groups?  Warrantless investigation of Associated Press journalists?  Umbrella-Gate?  Don't even get me started. 

Are you fucking kidding me?  Where is the Truth?  Where is the most transparent administration in U.S. history that we were promised?  That campaign promise was even more naive than Obama's vow to close the terrorist detention center at Guantánamo Bay. 
Friends, the only hope I see is that The Resistance is finally becoming more organized.  With an unprecedented level of support from the liberal mainstream media, Obama rebranded his campaign to restrict Second Amendment rights as a legislative package to "end gun violence."  Seriously?  Obama wants to burn all of his political capital pursing a socialist agenda that would do absolutely nothing to curtail psychotic rampage shooters like Adam Lanza?  Fortunately, Obama's efforts to restrict gun ownership rights were an epic fail... the surviving vestiges of the American spirit rose up in defiance, and we did not let Barack Hussein Obama wipe his ass with the remaining shreds of our Constitution.  Take heart, fellow patriots.  Hope springs eternal. 

Loyal followers, Jackhammer herby declares it is your civic duty to resist anything and everything that Obama proposes.  Every single aspect of his second-term agenda must be met with steadfast and unyielding resistance.  We now know, with painful clarity, what a fool we're dealing with.  The stakes have never been higher.  We must preserve whatever parts of America that can still be saved.  After the next election, if we get on our knees and beg God for forgiveness and mercy, we may be able to rebuild some of what was destroyed in this liberal crusade.  Pray for a conservative leader to emerge before 2016... pray for another Ronald Reagan.  Pray for grace.  Amen.