Booty Call

Friends, this post is long overdue!

Jackhammer must thank his good friends in the Fredericksburg area for their gracious hospitality over the Memorial Day weekend. 

As most of you already know, Jackhammer and some of his North Carolina buddies routinely participate in the annual Rolling Thunder Memorial Day Ride in Washington, D.C. to honor our military veterans.  As usual, Jackhammer & Co. were camping in the Prince William National Forest as they awaited the parade.  However, this year would turn out to be extra special.

Jackhammer led his entourage 30 minutes into Fredericksburg to be treated to a barbeque feast, hosted by (callsigns) Turd, Uncle Ben, and Tommygun.  Even though two of these dudes are DC cops working the night shift, they still arose at 6:00 AM to fire up the smoker and get the meat cooking.  We had barbeque brisket, chicken, and sausage with all the trimmings!  It was fucking awesome!

Best of all, the cookout gave the weary campers a chance to rest and regroup.  These guys lent me shorts so I could take off my hot protective motorcycle gear and relax in a lawn chair... they charged my iPhone... they refilled our whiskey flasks... they provided us with all the cold beer we could drink... we emptied our bladders into their front lawns... we couldn't possibly have been treated any better.  It was an impressive display of Southern hospitality, and we will surely return in future years.

The final event turned out to be a motorcycle race down backcountry roads, where Jackhammer was hard-pressed to keep up with Uncle Ben's BMW.  It was during this high-speed pursuit that one of my improperly-latched saddlebags released at about 85 MPH... and that fucker was a bitch to find in the thick foliage and encroaching darkness.  Nevertheless, the entire team pitched in... Uncle Ben called his supervisor to report that he would be coming into work... later... and we collectively scoured the route until we finally found it.

All things considered, it was the Best of Times.  Jackhammer is looking forward to returning the favor by hosting a party at the lake in the near future.  That adventure will be one for the history books...

Gentlemen, thank you again for everything!

Buck Ofama!

 

Friends, Jackhammer crunches numbers for a living... part of my job is being a Statistical Analysis System (SAS) programmer.  I have done my homework before writing this blog, and after careful analysis, it turns out that my opinions are correct 99.7% of the time.  The bad news is that, by extension, I am wrong 0.3% of the time.  This was the case with my September 30 (2012) post endorsing Barack Hussein Obama.  By the way, has it ever been an insult to any previous president to call him by his full name? 

My shame is greater than you can possibly imagine, for there is no doubt in my mind that my blog delivered North Carolina's 15 electoral votes to this communist motherfucker.  Yes, Obama would have won the election anyway... Obama secured approximately 100% of the black vote, 100% of the Mexican vote, 100% of the gay vote, 100% of the atheist vote, 100% of the liberal vote, as well as anyone else who blames The System for their lack of success in life.  Yet, living with the knowledge that I delivered my home state to this ignorant fool is almost more than I can bear.

I was sorely tempted to delete my previous blog post, but because I am a conservative, I cannot shirk my personal responsibility.  I refuse to blame others for what I did... to assert that I was unduly influenced by my liberal friends... to claim that I was somehow a victim in all of this.  Regardless of the reasons, I did what I did.  I screwed up in the worst of ways, and I must own up to my own mistake.

In case you haven't watched the news in the past seven months, Obama isn't living up to any of his promises.  Now that his re-election worries are over, his second-term agenda is devoted to making every liberal dream come true... at least the vestiges of the liberal dream that weren't already financed by the democratic spending orgy the democrats foisted upon us as "economic stimulus." 

The damage done thus far will probably be enough to turn America into a sickly shadow of its former self.  According to the Washington Post, approximately 47% of Americans now receive some form of government assistance to make ends meet.  According to the International Monetary Fund (IMF), American's national debt will exceed $16.8 trillion dollars by the end of this fiscal year.  Trust me, the human mind cannot conceptualize a number that large.  To help put it in perspective, every man, woman and child in our nation currently owes about $53,400... and our debt is growing at a nauseating $3.78 billion dollars per day.  Per person, an American citizen owes between 35% and 40% more than the citizens of Greece, Italy, or Spain.  Go ahead, liberals... pass all the socialist welfare programs you want so you can feel good about yourselves.  Free food, free housing, and free healthcare for everybody!  The fact that someone (me) has to pay for all the services you want the government to provide is the real inconvenient truth.

 

Keep the faith, liberals.  The percentage of Americans who identify as Christian continues to decline at an accelerated rate.  The fabric of our society is so rent and torn that it is beyond repair.  According to the mainstream media, the vast majority of America universally and wholeheartedly support gay marriage, women serving in military combat positions, amnesty for illegal immigrants, over-the-counter sales of abortion pills (regardless of age or parental consent), gays in the Boy Scouts of America, and gays serving openly in the military.  If you support that last one, check out this video of a gay marine publically kissing his boyfriend... you might change your mind.

 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=PLbe9uVl27o

Sadly, things are only going to get much, much worse.  Obamacare is about to hit the fan, and , by any reliable estimate, the cost of quality healthcare is about to go through the stratosphere... at least for those of us who actually pay for it.  Foreign policy blunders like Benghazi, Egypt, and Syria?  The IRS initiative to harass conservative political action groups?  Warrantless investigation of Associated Press journalists?  Umbrella-Gate?  Don't even get me started. 

Are you fucking kidding me?  Where is the Truth?  Where is the most transparent administration in U.S. history that we were promised?  That campaign promise was even more naive than Obama's vow to close the terrorist detention center at Guantánamo Bay. 

Friends, the only hope I see is that The Resistance is finally becoming more organized.  With an unprecedented level of support from the liberal mainstream media, Obama rebranded his campaign to restrict Second Amendment rights as a legislative package to "end gun violence."  Seriously?  Obama wants to burn all of his political capital pursing a socialist agenda that would do absolutely nothing to curtail psychotic rampage shooters like Adam Lanza?  Fortunately, Obama's efforts to restrict gun ownership rights were an epic fail... the surviving vestiges of the American spirit rose up in defiance, and we did not let Barack Hussein Obama wipe his ass with the remaining shreds of our Constitution.  Take heart, fellow patriots.  Hope springs eternal. 

Loyal followers, Jackhammer herby declares it is your civic duty to resist anything and everything that Obama proposes.  Every single aspect of his second-term agenda must be met with steadfast and unyielding resistance.  We now know, with painful clarity, what a fool we're dealing with.  The stakes have never been higher.  We must preserve whatever parts of America that can still be saved.  After the next election, if we get on our knees and beg God for forgiveness and mercy, we may be able to rebuild some of what was destroyed in this liberal crusade.  Pray for a conservative leader to emerge before 2016... pray for another Ronald Reagan.  Pray for grace.  Amen. 

Stay Thirsty, My Friends

Friends, the republican party is in real trouble these days... real trouble.  The percentage of white voters has fallen below 50%, as has the white birth rate.  Most babies being born in America's hospitals are minorities, and that trend continues to steepen.  White parents are opting to have fewer children, or not have children at all... and those who do chose to conceive are waiting longer and longer.  The percentage of Americans who self-identify as Christian is at an all-time low, as the percentage of atheists is growing steadily.  In short, the conservative base is drowning, and it looks like we're going down for the last time.

It has become apparent to the republican leadership that the party will not survive without the support of at least one major minority group.  The consensus is that our best hope lies in the rapidly growing Hispanic population, as they are predominately Christian (Catholic), they denounce abortion, and virtually all Hispanic children are raised in two-parent households.  In some ways, they do share our conservative values. 

Thus, it appears that the republican hopes for the future have been securely pinned to the water-guzzling Senator of Cuban decent, Marco Rubio.  Will he be able to win the Hispanic vote for the conservatives?  Friends, if you believe that then you are living in a fantasy world.  I hate to break the news to you guys, but all Hispanics are not the same.  We harbor Hispanics from Puerto Rico, Cuba, South America, and Mexico.  They are very different, and they do not think the same way.

The republicans seem to think that advancing a conservative Cuban is the answer... and that the Mexican vote can be solidified by selling out to Obama and endorsing his amnesty campaign for illegal immigrants.  No matter who pushes for the assimilation of the illegal Mexicans, it is a recipe for total disaster.  The most reputable studies cite data showing that the average illegal immigrant household receives $46,582 in government subsidies while paying only $11,469 in taxes:

Source:  http://www.heritage.org/research/reports/2013/05/the-fiscal-cost-of-unlawful-immigrants-and-amnesty%20to-the-us-taxpayer

Right now every man, woman, and child in America is burdened with $53,400 in federal debt... my family of four owes $213,600 that will never be repaid, and that number is increasing exponentially as Obama is steadily "moving forward" with his second-term agenda.  So what is wrong with adding 11,000,000 new citizens that will be heavily dependent on taxpayer-funded government services to survive?  What can possibly go wrong the this democratic power grab on an epic scale?  Who wouldn't want the US to turn into a giant Mexico?

It's okay, right?  The Mexicans love Americans, right?

Once they become citizens, those fuckers will vote a straight democratic ticket.  As assuredly as the sun sets in the West, the future of socialism will be assured, along with our government's financial defaults, bankruptcy, and economic collapse.  Who gives a fuck?  The Glory Days can't last forever, can they?  All the republicans promise is the freedom to pursue your hopes and dreams with minimal government interference.  The democrats, conversely, promise to give you the money you need to perpetuate the endless cycle of generational poverty, along with the endemic culture of victimization and helplessness.  Would you rather have freedom, or a weekly government check in your mailbox? 

I hate to be the first one to say this, but Marco Rubio is a loser.  Every ethnic group in America that claims a history of abuse and oppression is going to vote for the political party that provides the most government-funded benefits, not the political party that promises the greatest level of freedom.  Voting for Obama's amnesty legislation isn't going to win these parasites over to the conservative side of the isle... and neither is a bumbling presidential candidate of Cuban decent. 

So, at the end of the day, the republican party must continue to thirst for a leader that can unite our nation and restore what we have lost.  Where will we find another Ronald Regan to pull us back from the brink?  In Marco Rubio?  Stay thirsty, my friends.

 

The Sheepdog Concept

“We know that the sheep live in denial; that is what makes them sheep.  They do not want to believe that there is evil in the world. They can accept the fact that fires can happen, which is why they want fire extinguishers, fire sprinklers, fire alarms and fire exits throughout their kids’ schools.  But many of them are outraged at the idea of putting an armed police officer in their kid’s school.  Our children are dozens of times more likely to be killed, and thousands of times more likely to be seriously injured, by school violence than by school fires, but the sheep’s only response to the possibility of violence is denial.  The idea of someone coming to kill or harm their children is just too hard, so they choose the path of denial.

The sheep generally do not like the sheepdog.  He looks a lot like the wolf.  He has fangs and the capacity for violence. The difference, though, is that the sheepdog must not, cannot and will not ever harm the sheep. Any sheepdog who intentionally harms the lowliest little lamb will be punished and removed.  The world cannot work any other way, at least not in a representative democracy or a republic such as ours.

Still, the sheepdog disturbs the sheep.  He is a constant reminder that there are wolves in the land. They would prefer that he didn’t tell them where to go, or give them traffic tickets, or stand at the ready in our airports in camouflage fatigues holding an M-16.  The sheep would much rather have the sheepdog cash in his fangs, spray paint himself white, and go, “Baa.”

Until the wolf shows up. Then the entire flock tries desperately to hide behind one lonely sheepdog.”

– Lt. Col. Grossman

Southern Man

 

Southern man, better keep your head
Don't forget what your good book said
Southern change gonna come at last
Now your crosses are burning fast…

From Neil Young’s “Southern Man”

Friends, it is with great shame that Jackhammer must admit that he was born a Yankee.  Yes, I was born on the Upper Peninsula of Michigan, which most people – even the trolls who live in lower Michigan – do not consider part of the United States.  Nevertheless, it is what it is… Jackhammer had no control over where he was born, but he does have control over where he lives now.  As Shakespeare once wrote, “the world is broad and wide.”  With so many options available, should Jackhammer consider relocating to the Great Lakes area?

The possibility of Jackhammer moving north was definitively nixed during my trip to Chicago last summer.  I spent an entire week basking on the shores of Lake Michigan… rediscovering the vicinity… becoming reacquainted with Northern culture.  It was during this week of profound inner reflection that Jackhammer finally realized that Thomas Wolfe was right… you can’t go home again.

Chicago sucks.  Why, you may ask?  What bothered me?  Simply put, it was only the big things and the little things.  The traffic was horrific.  The roads were apocalyptic.  The people were rude, and they wouldn’t look you in the eye.  Crime against law-abiding citizens was rampant, as vicious armed criminals were emboldened by the strictest gun laws in the United States.  The weather in Chicago was cold, foggy, windy, and rainy, even in June.  When Jackhammer finally headed south, the lake's shoreline was being pounded with 12 foot waves. 

Jackhammer quickly grew weary of aggressive bums panhandling in the streets… as well as their nasty attitudes when I refused to hand over my hard-earned money.  These democrats were everywhere, which made walking to my destinations without getting accosted challenging.  Worst of all, the people in Chicago didn’t have any cultural understanding… they didn’t even know that a hot dog “all the way” comes with mustard, chili, and onions.  Instead, they assume you want “the works,” and then hand you some fucked up shit like this:

Jackhammer may have been born in Michigan, but during this trip I realized that I have become a true Southern Man by the grace of God.  A person from the Chicago area, like Barack Obama, can never even begin to understand the way we think… where we’re coming from as we speak from the heart.  Obama's inappropriate remarks about how bitter Southern men cling to our guns and our Christian religion couldn’t be more true.  I embrace his intended insult, and think it ironic that Obama specifically targeted the two aspects of Southern culture upon which we will never compromise.  This should have been enough to alert me to the fact that Barack Obama and I will never share any common ground; clearly, we come from different worlds. 

 

Living in the South is more than smoky racetracks, pulled pork barbeque, apple moonshine, the Appalachian mountains, and grits with red-eye gravy.  It is more than gorgeous girls with tantalizing accents dancing to country music in skimpy halter tops, cowgirl boots, and Daisy Dukes.  Being "Southern" transcends our landscape, and even our cultural heritage… being Southern is a state of mind.  This is a place where the U.S. Constitution still means something… and to us, the individual freedoms guaranteed by that foundational document remain self-evident.  The Southeast is a place where men like me kneel together before the cross and worship without shame… we acknowledge Jesus Christ for who He is.  We teach our children right from wrong… we embrace personal responsibility, and hold ourselves accountable for our own successes and failures.  We do not embrace the "victim mentality" of socialism... we reject government intrusion into our lives... and we would rather die than change our way of life.

There may come a day when Jackhammer will point his Ford F-150 north and return to the Great Lakes region… but my heart will always remain in the Land of the Pines.  To the core of his being, Jackhammer has become a true Southern Man… and I wouldn’t have it any other way.  I thank God for being so richly blessed.  Amen. 

Blood on the Badge

Mama, take this badge off of me
I can't use it anymore.
It's gettin' dark, too dark to see
I feel I'm knockin' on heaven's door.

From Bob Dylan's "Knockin' on Heaven's Door"

Much has been written about the Thin Blue Line... the imaginary line of police protection that keeps ordinary citizens as safe as possible from the thugs, murders, rapists, and criminal elements that will always comprise a percentage of our population.  Nevertheless, Jackhammer feels compelled to weigh in on this issue.

Jackhammer has numerous friends in various branches of law enforcement... it would take me a while to count them all.  Why is this?  Jackhammer is an honorary member of the Sheriff's Department, and has been given a badge to that effect... but Jackhammer is careful not to present himself as a sworn officer.  My duties are regulated to "assistance and support," which means I carry illuminated traffic wands and a reflective safety vest under the seat of my truck.  I am not a professional Law Enforcement Officer (LEO) myself, so that cannot explain why so many of my friends wear a badge to work every day.  There must be something more to the attraction... something deeper.  Respect, perhaps?

This issue came to the forefront of my mind when an incident happened at this gas station in Lillington, a place that Jackhammer has often stopped to refuel over the past 20 years. 

Until last year, no officer from Lillington had ever lost his life in the line of duty.  Sadly, Jackhammer must now salute Deputy John Strickland, who was slain by gunfire while attempting to question a suspicious suspect at this gas station.  Now every time I refuel my truck at this location, I wonder if I am standing on the same spot where Deputy Strickland bled out and lost his life.

The thing is, I go to my cushy office job every day without fear.  The most dangerous part of my day is the commute in heavy traffic.  While often harrowing, nobody has shot at me... at least not yet.  Unlike Deputy John Strickland, I am not roaming the streets searching for Jose Trinidad Soto Sanchez, 21, and Jose Juan Alverez, 28, both from neighboring Spring Hope, to charge them with first-degree rape, first-degree kidnapping, and attempted murder.

According to the Harnett County Sherriff, these two men had abducted a 17-year-old girl from her house where she was babysitting her 3-year-old sister.  From there, she was taken to the Cape Fear River where she was sexually assaulted.  After the sexual assault had taken place, she was shot three times in the face, abdomen, and hand, and then left to die in the river. 

Jackhammer salutes all the men and women of law enforcement who risk their lives to stand on the Thin Blue Line.  Jackhammer has the utmost respect for all of you who serve and protect.  I pray that you come home safely every single night... without any blood on your badge.

A Pope Like No Other?

Friends, I'm sorry you've been hungering for my blogs for such a long time.  Jackhammer has been very busy, but will attempt to post as much as possible before the summer classes begin in three weeks.  Word. 

 

Many of you have emailed to inquire about my opinion of the new Pope, and even more of you aggressively campaigned for me to be named the new head of the Catholic Church.  I hate to break it to you guys... yes, I was born Catholic, but have never been active in the organization.  The Pope is chosen from the College of Cardinals, of which I am not a member.  I doubt the Vatican leadership even read your well-intentioned letters...

 

Nevertheless, I refrained from commentary thus far because it has taken me some time to sort out my feelings on this issue.  I was not prepared for Pope Benedict XVI to resign, confessing that he was no longer up to the task.  Plus, I was absolutely nauseated by the liberal media, who was giddy with excitement at the thought of a white Pope being replaced by any ethnic group that can claim a history of abuse and oppression.  In modern times, the highest level leadership vacancies are always filled with a minority candidate.  The liberal press went wild trumpeting their expectations for an African or Hispanic Pope; all Cardinals of white European decent were mentioned only in passing by the press - and then quickly dismissed as a longshot. 

 

Jackhammer was not surprised when Jorge Mario Bergoglio from Argentina was named the next Pope because our society no longer worships God; it worships political correctness.  Selecting a white European male for any high-level leadership position in 2013 would be an unforgivable faux pas, right?  However, Jackhammer has evolved on this issue.  It did not take long for Jorge Mario Bergoglio to win my heart.

 

Friends, this is a Pope like no other.  He will be called Pope Francis I.  Think about that for a moment.  Saint Francis was well-known for his extraordinary dedication to helping the poor... and he was also a powerful player in the Catholic church when it was fighting for its very survival.  Pope Francis certainly has his work cut out for him, and no other name could proffer a stronger declaration of his values.  Declining church membership, a global crisis of faith, the sex abuse scandals and ongoing lawsuits, public adoration for gay marriage, the sexist push to ordain women, the grassroots movement to end the celibacy requirement for priests... and, although little details are available to the public, there have also been widespread, reputable reports of rampant financial corruption reaching to the highest levels of the Vatican.  Who can blame Pope Benedict for throwing in the towel?  Who can pull the church back from the brink of destruction?  Is Pope Francis the answer?

 

The thing is, Pope Francis is proving himself to be a Pope like no other.  Francis has always lived in a modest apartment... he rides the bus to work... he attends soccer games.  Now that he has been named Pope, little has changed.  On the day he became Pope, Francis rode the bus back to his humble apartment.  He insisted on paying his own hotel bill... he even carries his own luggage.  When questioned about his shockingly modest lifestyle, Francis explained that he is setting an example for the priests... he is modeling the behavior he expects henceforth.  It didn't take me long to figure out that things are going to be different under his leadership.

 

 

Francis has already expressed disdain for the Pope Mobile... he doesn't think walls of bulletproof plexiglass should come between the Pope and the faithful masses.  Francis discouraged Catholics from traveling to Rome to witness his ordination, instead encouraging them to donate the money they would have spent for their travel expenses to the poor.  Where did this man come from?  Is it possible that we have finally found a Man of God who actually walks the walk?  A true disciple of Christ?

Jackhammer hereby endorses Pope Francis I with great enthusiasm, and he prays that, with the help of God, Pope Francis will emerge victorious after battling the myriad challenges facing the present-day Catholic church.  We are living in times like no other, and facing challenges like no other.  To ensure the survival of the Catholic church, of the Bride of Christ, we must have a Pope like no other.  Godspeed, Francis.  Godspeed.